Writing to Heal

Happy new year! It’s early! Not even 7 am yet. The family has gone ice fishing and I have a glorious day alone to do with what I please.

I miss my books. That is, all my spiritual, self help, woo woo books that help me make sense of what’s going on, in and around me, and that offer me ways to stay centered during trying times. My precious books are in storage with most of our other belongings I figured we could live without until we found our next home. Bad call on not bringing the books. Bad call Shannon!

We moved into our temporary home in October, renting a place in the city in the West End. Leaving our acreage in Ste Anne to move to the city was a family decision we made two years ago and our house sold this past September. It was tough packing up my dream house and dream yard backing onto the Riviere Seine. We moved into the house the summer before Amélie turned two years old so we were packing up 14 years of beautiful memories.

In addition to selling our home, something else happened late this past summer.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

And with that diagnosis I pulled in line to enter what felt like, to me anyways, the Cancer Care Automatic Car Wash of consultations, doctors, poke and push procedures, surgery and treatments. The Cancer Care Car Wash seems to run itself like those automatic car washes where you put your car in neutral and it automatically inches your car forward through each step in the process. There is no principal operator overseeing everything to make sure that each phase is carried out in the right order and at the right time and that it is done well, contributing to the best possible outcome for your car, um, I mean body. Nonetheless, it is amazingly efficient and all the things that need to occur seem to click along tickety-boo at the right time and in the right order. That is, as long as you don’t depart from their standard operating procedures. Yes, I asked for a couple departures.

I don’t exactly know where I am in the whole process of the Cancer Care Car Wash currently. I want to guess I am in the last phase of the intensive wash cycle because yesterday I completed 13 out of my prescribed 25 radiation treatments. Radiation, or the assisted death of any possible cells, left behind after surgery that still aren’t doing okay, will be completed by mid January. Afterwards, it is currently projected that I will need 4 to 8 weeks to recover and be ready to return to work. I suspect this will be what transpires. As I said, they know what they are doing at Cancer Care. They see far too much of this not to be able to predict accurately. But regardless of where I am in the car wash, it is then, that I suspect the real work begins involving the day-to-day care and healing of not only my body but my mind and spirit. This experience has whooped my ass so far, and I suspect I am not yet fully aware of the scope of the effects.

So back to my precious books. I was lamenting to my friend Tannis that I needed a way to process all the sh-tuff I was experiencing and she suggested I write a blog - not for readership, but for healing. What a great idea! But um, that was about eight weeks ago and up to yesterday, I still hadn’t written a word. And then yesterday, I was scrolling, waiting to be summoned for lucky number 13 radiation treatment, and I came across an article called,

“This is why we should take the time to write” by Donna Yates Kling.

I didn’t get to read the article before I was called in for the laser show on my boob, but I DID read the two quotes at the beginning of the article, and they reminded me of my friend Tannis’ suggestion and pulled me to start writing today. The statements were…

“Writing heals and keeps me sane.” – Donna Yates Kling

“I don’t know what I think until I write about it.” – Joan Didion

So, I am going to try out this writing-to-heal business. I am going to write about some of my experiences at the Cancer Care Car Wash, including some departures from the norm I took and what happened. I’d like to write about some of the things I learned. I’m doing this to process what I have been through and continue to experience. If you have read to this point, I am grateful, but please know, you continuing to follow along is not an expectation of mine at all. However, if you end up reading my posts or referring them on to someone you think might benefit reading them, then that is wonderful too. I welcome anyone here. Thank you.

Happy new year!

With so much love,

Shannon Rae